Wednesday, December 29, 2010

How to Fix a Bad Marriage - 6 Helpful Tips to Make it Better

There are some who say there is no such thing as a bad marriage. I wouldn't listen to anyone who started out with that statement because it's just not true. I have seen some very bad marriages and I would dare anyone to define it some other way. Dog poop covered with vanilla ice cream and rainbow sprinkles still smells and taste like dog poop. When there is spousal abuse, abandonment, child abuse, infidelity and some behavior I will leave out it's a bad marriage, that needs fixing.

Marriage is usually not what couples envisioned it to be when they first tied the knot. It's also not like the marriages some folks read about in a romance novel or watch on a soap opera. Marriage is fun, exiting and exactly what happily married couples would tell anyone looking to get married - it takes work.

Does that mean that a bad marriage can't be fixed? No it doesn't.

So how to fix a bad marriage is the question and here are some tips to make the marriage better.



  1. Acknowledge there is a problem - This sounds simple but is very difficult to do. There are many reasons why couples don't want to acknowledge marital problems, such as pride, embarrassment and insecurity. What will family and friends and neighbors think if they ever found out? Chances are they will say "hey that's the same thing we went through or are going through". Most times problems are overlooked until they reach the point of blowing up into a major issue. Understanding the issues is critical to fixing a relationship.


  2. Discuss the problems that are contributing to the bad marriage in a non-threatening manner. There should be no pointing of fingers, yelling or rude facial expressions. The purpose is to clear the air not air all of your grievances. This must be done with the proper tone or discussions will turn into arguments and instead of making the marriage better it could make things worst. These discussions should be held when you are ready to give and receive feedback and not when you are ready for a fight.


  3. Take ownership of your contributions to the bad marriage. Verbally admit to the areas you need to work on to improve the relationship. Unless you are perfect, and no one is, you probably have more than one thing you can change. If you admit to your own faults I'm pretty sure your partner will own up to their faults.


  4. Agree to start fresh and commit to changing the bad marriage to a good marriage. Of course you realize fixing a relationship will take some time. However, if you make it a priority and work at it each day you will succeed. You will most likely have some set backs but for every step you take backwards you should be taking three steps forward. After you get to good you can work on moving to great.


  5. Bury the past and no longer bring up past issues, problems or mistakes. The past is gone and only the good old days should be discussed. This will go a long way in helping to fix a bad marriage.


  6. Be open to give and receive constructive criticism regarding positive and negative things that are helping or hurting the goal of fixing your relationship.




Marriage is work but the rewards are well worth the effort. So how to fix a bad marriage is by agreeing on problem areas that need tweaking and working together to restore your relationship. I believe every bad marriage can be restored with the proper commitment and perhaps some help. The help could be counseling or other resources such as those found at restoring relationships where the resources can be utilized at home without involving others.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Possesion Aggression Object Guarding

Canine Possession Aggression

Canine Possession Aggression........object guarding, this is the act of aggressively protecting objects such as toys, pigs ears, rawhide chews, bones, or articles that the dog has found or stolen, such as socks shoes underwear tissues and human food.

The ears going back will be part of typical body language relating to this behaviour. The dog then will go into a crouch over the object, displaying a whale eye, that is the head turned away but the eyes are swivelled back towards you the perceived threat to his possession, the whites showing, you may also find the lips are slightly pulled back almost in a grin. Look at pictures of whales and you will see why whale eye gets its name.
Mine! All Mine.

So why would the dog want to protect these objects? Simple answer is that it's normally a learned experience. Either it is a reaction from their siblings taking and tugging objects away at an early age, or we teach them this behaviour by our actions and reactions. As a puppy, your dog wandered through parts of the house, picking up and investigating any little object left lying around. However as soon as he picked up something we did not want him to have, we immediately snatched this precious possession away.

Before long, our intrepid pup would pick up an object then run away so we couldn't take away his find, he would scamper either to another room, the garden, under or behind a table, settee, or chair anywhere where we could not easily relieve him of his treasure.

So what do we do? We follow him to wherever he has hidden away, shouting leave it, or drop! What does the little monster do, he whale eyes you and starts to growl. He has now learned a couple of very valuable lessons.

1. When you give a command, he does not always need to

obey.

2. If he shows aggression, you back off. And by our

actions, we have successfully taught him to resource

guard.

Advice?

Well meaning friends and of course the inimitable doggy experts. You will find these in abundance in any park, street, pub or internet forum, they will tell you to grab the dog by the scruff of the neck then forcibly remove the object, put the dog into an alpha roll position, or give it a good thump. The tips and advice are endless. If you analyse them all you will find that nearly every suggestion will be confrontational, these methods will inevitably have the exact opposite effect to what you are hoping to cure.

What you will rarely be told is to train the dog so that it wants to give up the object, that the dog will think it is fun and rewarding to let you have these treasured articles back.

Start Early

Your puppies and adult dogs should be used to having their mouth touched, when you then wish to remove something it isn't seen as confrontational. From the day you get your dog, either as a puppy or adult dog, brush his teeth, play with his flews (the floppy bits on the upper lip), open his mouth, check his tonsils, look down his throat, do this in a positive fun way with lots of praise and the occasional treat.

Purchase a long rawhide knot or bone. Hold on to one end of the knot while the dog chews on the other. He may want to play tug, but just hold do not pull away, in time he will get used to your presence and relax and just chew.

It is important for your dog to view you as the provider of all good things. You can do this by tightly controlling the dog's environment. Keep all but one or two toys up off the floor and take the others down only when you want to play. Make sure you offer an item with a command like "Take it." When you are tired of the game (you that is, not the dog), tell the dog to "Drop" or "Dead" Give him another item or treat in exchange, and then pick up the first object and put it away.

Do you know your dog's likes and dislikes? Compose a list of all the things your dog really enjoys including food, toys, treats and activities, rank them in a hierarchical order, In exchange for dropping the first item give your dog a second, "better" item. For instance, if tennis ball retrieving is third on your dog's list, reward him with cheese, frankfurter or puffed jerky for dropping the tennis ball. If your dog attempts to pick up a bit of rubbish in the street, command him to "drop" and then throw or give him his tennis ball.

Give a Cue

Teach the word dead, drop, or give, do it in a fun way with a happy high silly voice. Start by allowing him to have something that is not so valuable then trade with him for his favourite treat, what is his favourite treats or game? Do you really know your dog's likes and dislikes?

This is fine for teaching young pups or dogs that are not presently guarding but what about ones that are already way down the road of resource guarding. Training a young puppy is relatively easy. Re-training an older dog is more difficult, but not impossible.

Trade and Reward

Firstly take away all objects the dog is guarding, that could be toys, tissues, chews, bones, pigs ears or sleeping places, that includes beds, sofas or chairs. You may not be able to move the latter but you can cover it, put a box or something else on it that will restrict access. Do not allow access to these precious resources a number of days.

You need to prepare for the next stage if the guarding is articles such as toys chews bones etc, prepare some of the dogs really favourite treats, cheese or frankfurter tends to be high on the list. Then get a low value object, it may be a tissue or a sock, a pigs ear for instance may be perceived as high value. Try to be slightly to the side of the dog rather than face on and relax, take the tension you may feel out of your body as the dog will both smell and sense your fear and this could trigger a reaction.

Offer the object to the dog but try and keep hold of it as the dog takes it, use whatever release command you have decided on it could be "dead" "drop" "leave" or "trade" immediately produce the tasty treat from behind your back and exchange. Praise when the exchange takes place and give back the object you first exchanged.

Set scheduled times to repeat this exercise at least four times a day but also just do it in opportune moments. Gradually up the anti of treasured goods. Over a period of time the dog will start to look forward to your approach and game. It is at this time that you give your dog the object and walk away, at first come back immediately and trade gradually making the time and distance you walk away longer, until you clearly see the dog is having no problems with your approach whatsoever. Then only give a treat every third time, then every tenth, take the object away and immediately give it back extending the period on this until the guarding behaviour disappears.

As with food guarding, you want to build a positive association around people approaching the objects being guarded. The dog needs to understand that approaching people and the removal of objects can be positive and rewarding.
Location or Bed Guarding

This is not always as simple as it may seem, as the severity or incidence may be related to who is approaching. It may be that a woman can approach the bed or sleeping place but not a man, an adult but not a child. It is not always tied to the object being guarded, but more to the relationship or lack of it of the person approaching the resource.

Sometimes this behaviour manifests itself when we try to move the dog off a sofa or when we handle or stroke the dog. It is worth in these cases making sure the dog is not ill or in pain as this could stimulate aggressive reactions.

As with other forms of guarding, make this a positive experience. Gauge how far you can approach before any aggressive reaction occurs. Initially keep to this distance and as you pass throw a treat, praising the dog at the same time. Make sure you do not praise or treat if there is growling or any show of aggression. Gradually decrease the distance over a period of time, do not rush the exercise, if the dog starts to react go back a few steps and start again. Change your angle of approach and the person who is approaching. Always try not to approach head on come in at an angle from the side give lots of verbal praise for a calm and passive reaction from the dog.

Maintain the Status Quo

Over time your pet will come to realise that your approach is a positive experience and the guarding will hopefully cease. However if it starts up again repeat the exercise. You should practice once a week exchange or trade, for the remainder 0of the dogs life.

If you are already at the point where the dog has actually bitten you, then I would suggest you get professional help. This should be from a behaviourist or a trainer who understands aggression. You should look for one that comes to your house. I never understand how professionals can assess your dog's behaviour from the confines of a vets or an office. The dog reacts very differently when out of its own environment.
Stan Rawlinson

© 24 July 2005

Stan Rawlinson.

Dog Behaviourist & Trainer

http://www.doglistener.co.uk

enquiries@doglistener.co.uk

H 0208 979 2019

M 07976 153161




Stan Rawlinson Dip MTCBPT. PAACT
Dog Behaviourist and Obedience Trainer, who has owned and worked dogs for over 25 years, starting with gundogs then moving to the behavioural and obedience side of training companion dogs. He now has a successful practice covering Greater London, Surrey, and Middlesex.

Stan is recommended by numerous Vets, Rescue Centres, and Charities. He writes articles and comments on behavioural issues and techniques for dog magazines including Our Dogs, Dogs Monthly, K9 Magazine, Shooting Times, Pet Talk and Pet Owner Magazine. He is also a behavioural spokesman for Disney and has appeared on Television, Radio and in National Newspapers on many occassions

© Stan Rawlinson
Telephone: 0208 979 2019
Mobile Number: 07976 153161
E-mail:enquiries@doglistener.co.uk
http://www.doglistener.co.uk
Founder Member
PAACT
Professional Association of Applied Canine Trainers
Membership Number 101
http://www.paact.co.uk

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Tear Stain Remover - A Super Easy Way to Clean Dog Tear Stains That Really Works

I have 5 beautiful Maltese dogs that are part of my family.

It took some trial and error but I finally found the white dog tear stain remover that works best for my Maltese.

Below I will share a few tips that have been recommended to me over the years and finally I will share the one easy fool proof and safe method that has worked for all 5 of my Maltese to give them beautiful clean white faces.

Tip 1 - It helps to keep the hair out of your Maltese dog's eyes because hair in the eyes can increase eye irritation and cause your dog's eyes to water and drain. Many Maltese owners accomplish this by putting the hair around the eyes into a pony tail top knot above the head - kind of cute for those of you that like that. You can also trim the hair around the eyes but for those of you that have an unsteady hand or your Maltese is a bit jumpy or skittish I don't recommend that you do the trimming yourself or you may cause an injury.

Tip 2 - I hesitate to even share this tip because I do NOT recommend that you do this. However it is important for you to be aware of this method that some Maltese owners use. Some people use bleach products applied to the hair around the eyes to get rid of these stains but this method can actually be extremely harmful to your dog. In fact it can not only hurt your dog, it may well lead to further staining around the eye area.

Tip 3 - This is my favorite way to battle maltese eye and WIN. I add a special all natural powder to my Maltese's food and it keeps all 5 of my Maltese dog's faces clean, dry and brilliantly white. This powder works fast - usually within 2 weeks my Maltese have gone from tear stained wet ugly faces to clean dry and white faces. So for me I have found the best way to fight those ugly eye stains. This is such a simple solution that works for me and my Maltese!




The easy to use tear stain remover that my dogs love.

http://MalteseEyeStains.com

Dog knot women idea