There are some who say there is no such thing as a bad marriage. I wouldn't listen to anyone who started out with that statement because it's just not true. I have seen some very bad marriages and I would dare anyone to define it some other way. Dog poop covered with vanilla ice cream and rainbow sprinkles still smells and taste like dog poop. When there is spousal abuse, abandonment, child abuse, infidelity and some behavior I will leave out it's a bad marriage, that needs fixing.
Marriage is usually not what couples envisioned it to be when they first tied the knot. It's also not like the marriages some folks read about in a romance novel or watch on a soap opera. Marriage is fun, exiting and exactly what happily married couples would tell anyone looking to get married - it takes work.
Does that mean that a bad marriage can't be fixed? No it doesn't.
So how to fix a bad marriage is the question and here are some tips to make the marriage better.
Acknowledge there is a problem - This sounds simple but is very difficult to do. There are many reasons why couples don't want to acknowledge marital problems, such as pride, embarrassment and insecurity. What will family and friends and neighbors think if they ever found out? Chances are they will say "hey that's the same thing we went through or are going through". Most times problems are overlooked until they reach the point of blowing up into a major issue. Understanding the issues is critical to fixing a relationship.
Discuss the problems that are contributing to the bad marriage in a non-threatening manner. There should be no pointing of fingers, yelling or rude facial expressions. The purpose is to clear the air not air all of your grievances. This must be done with the proper tone or discussions will turn into arguments and instead of making the marriage better it could make things worst. These discussions should be held when you are ready to give and receive feedback and not when you are ready for a fight.
Take ownership of your contributions to the bad marriage. Verbally admit to the areas you need to work on to improve the relationship. Unless you are perfect, and no one is, you probably have more than one thing you can change. If you admit to your own faults I'm pretty sure your partner will own up to their faults.
Agree to start fresh and commit to changing the bad marriage to a good marriage. Of course you realize fixing a relationship will take some time. However, if you make it a priority and work at it each day you will succeed. You will most likely have some set backs but for every step you take backwards you should be taking three steps forward. After you get to good you can work on moving to great.
Bury the past and no longer bring up past issues, problems or mistakes. The past is gone and only the good old days should be discussed. This will go a long way in helping to fix a bad marriage.
Be open to give and receive constructive criticism regarding positive and negative things that are helping or hurting the goal of fixing your relationship.
Marriage is work but the rewards are well worth the effort. So how to fix a bad marriage is by agreeing on problem areas that need tweaking and working together to restore your relationship. I believe every bad marriage can be restored with the proper commitment and perhaps some help. The help could be counseling or other resources such as those found at restoring relationships where the resources can be utilized at home without involving others.
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